These were sent to me by several kind individuals who visited my websites. I think they're utterly hilarious even if they are more truth than fiction. A lot more truth than fiction.

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want mustard on those fries?"
Engineers think that equations approximate the real world. Scientists think that the real world approximates equations. Mathematicians are unable to make the connection...
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.". The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced". The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again."
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'' Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.'' The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of fence. The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution." The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd, declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around the herd." The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "I define myself to be on the outside!"
In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too. They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem......"
The Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies
1. A number of different approaches are being tried.
We are still pissing in the wind.
2. Extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. Close project coordination
We know who to blame.
4. Major technological breakthrough
It works "OK", but looks very hi-tech.
5. Customer satisfaction is delivered assured
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. Test results were extremely gratifying
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. The entire concept wil have to be abandoned
The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. It is in the process
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. We will look into it
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. Please not and initial
Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. Give us the benefit of your thinking
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.
13. Give us your interpretation
I can't wait to hear this bullshit!
14. See me or let's discuss
Come into my office, I'm lonely.
15. All new
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. Rugged
Too damn heavy to lift!
17. Lightweight
Lighter than Rugged.
18. Years of development
One finally worked.
19. Energy saving
Achieved when the power switch is off.
20. Low maintenance
Impossible to fix if broken.

Contact info. Click here to send me email at chuck@chuckbunnell.com
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